dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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