clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
try to milk me bitch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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