I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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