When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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