worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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