You work out of a Hotel?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize