btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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