my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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