I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize