If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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