i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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