Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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