he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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