When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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