plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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