Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize