I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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