Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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