i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize