Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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