I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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