so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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