Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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