Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize