i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize