if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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