Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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