Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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