We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize