She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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