I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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