I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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