There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize