She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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