I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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