Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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