i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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