im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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