Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize