I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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