I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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