Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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