Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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