A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize