Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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