dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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