If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize