I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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