Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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