He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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